where im from? who am i? really?

Every year on father's day i would think of JIMMY ANG KEAT LENG, who? the other half of my mom. WHO left me n mom homeless. THANK YOU ASSHOLE.

am i a something?a cause of after joy JIMMY ANG had?
why bother giving birth to me then?
if it wasnt for my mom, i would ended up in the adoption house.
my mom nvr gave up on me as like HE did.

well many of my friends dont really know my family background.
its cos im embarrassed to tell ppl that my dad has left us n shits.
when i was in form2, my friends would ask me. "caryn ah, y your dads nvr at home wan?"
i would just reply, "yalo, my dads a businessman , owes overseas wan lo"

i used to have a happy life.
i was born in penang in 1988.
(then) parents flew us to greece in 1989.
cause of HIS business.
lived as a happy kid till 1997 when we flew back to penang.
got myself into a school.
struggled to learn the new language ; bahasa melayu.

when i was in penang my mom flew back to greece with my dad, i lived with my aunts family back thn. therefore im grateful to have some1 care bout me. mayb..
in 1999 my (then) parents brought me to kl.
registered into a malay school. (thats y i dint learn mandrin)

eversince we moved to kl. we lived in a rented flat @cheras
my dad only stayed with us for 1-2 weeks, thn he left.
as usual ; to work..
i was waiting for him to return everyday.
waiting from day to days,week to weeks, month to months,year to years.
me n mom rented from flats to rooms.
couldnt afford anymore to rent a flat.
so we stayed in a rented room for few years.

i never asked my mom wen HE will be coming back.
till i realized myself, this man had left us.
mayb he had another woman?
mayb hes dead?
was i naughty he dint want me?
well ive realized that HE had left us. homeless. penniless.

even ppl who i called relatives dint cared bout us after we came to KL.
its not like they dont have our contacts/hp..

1 day i just typed though friendster my "cousin sisters' " name.
n i added her n we had a chat.
she asked, " wow how did u found me here?"
if u have the will to find someone, how hard can it be?
just easy as typing their names.so?

thn my aunt left me a pointless email ; hey how r u n your mom blah blah.
acting like she cared or wad-so-ever-shit.
she got pissed when i replied her bout talking shit bout HIM.
claiming he loved me raised me WHEN I WAS YOUNGER blah blah.
sendiri also know how to say WHEN I WAS YOUNGER LO. how bout now?
yourself eat till so old couldnt think?
well cant blame u for saying me that ima heartless irresponsible child of his for talking shit bout him.
my aunt herself dont have kids or a partner, how can she know how it feels?
60+single=ding dong
wadever shit lah lady.
like i care.
u dont know how it feels like not to celebrate chinese new year without a family.


so since i got my "cousin sisters" email/msn, we could keep in touch.
she got married last year that i congratulate her via msn.
thanks was the reply.
not even an invitation. =)

even my singapore "cousin" deleted n blocked me in friendster back thn.
how nice of her =)

got in touch with my "cousin bro" as well.
felt so warm wen he put effort to pay me a visit.
but 1day i recieved a sms from him saying; "hey caryn, wana start a business? "
hmm, wad business leh?
"neh, no need to sell products or open shop one,come out one day we discuss bout it lah"
oh, ive heard that shit somewhere before ;p
okay. i might b 20 then. i must b like a fucking sohai to him =.=
facts of life...


in kl now i have better life better friends.
friends r better thn ppl u call relatives; to me.
ive been though shit in the past.
well most of u think im a rich princess? haha. judge again..mayb dont. fail judgements.