Jokes 7

Joke1
One day, a man was walking in the forest.

He shouted," God, God, are you there?"

"Yes, my dear child, I'm here!" the God replied.

"God, I want to know a few things from you," that man shouted.

"Fine, shoot."

"God what's a million dollars to you ?" He asked.

"Oh! It is like a penny," God repiled.

"Then what's a million years to you?" He asked.

"Oh! It is like a second to me."

"God, I want a favour from you."

"My dear, what is it?"

"Can you give me a million dollars?"

"Oh, sure, just a second!!"


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Joke2STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."


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Joke3
1. Doctor's advice: Penis is the healthiest food. It comes with a
sausage accompanied by 2 eggs & a bunch of seaweed. For
exotic taste,
shake well for mayonise sause.

2. Latest news! Tom Cruise is in love with Thai princess but the
King
will not allow their marriage unless Tom Cruise changes his
name to
"Tom Yam".

3. A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like? Mama dog reply:
"Your
papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his
face"!

4. Durex says to Whisper: "When you work, I lose my business for
about
7 days". Whisper replies: "If you fail to work just once, my
business
stops for 9 months !!"

5. A lady visited her doctor again. Doc said: "YoU look more sick
&
exhausted than before. ARe you having 3 meals a day as I
advised?"
Lady: "What ? I thought you said 3 males a day!"

6. A priest lost his HEN & asked during mass. "Anyone got a cock?"
All
men stood up. He said again "I mean anyone seen a cock?" All
women
stood up. He said again " I meant anyone seen my cock?" All
nuns stood
up.

7. What women think about sex:
- At age 8, ignore it
- At age 18, experience it
- At age 28, look for it
- At age 38, ask for it
- At age 48, beg for it
- At age 58, pay for it
- At age 68 , pray for it
- At age 78, forget it !


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Joke4
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room
and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
The nurse asks him, "Raju, what are you doing?"

Raju replied, "Driving to Durban!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Raju's room just
as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks,
"Well Raju,how are you doing?"

Raju says, "I just arrived in Durban"

"Great," replied the nurse.

The nurse leaves Raju's room and goes across
the hall into Balwanth's room, and finds Balwanth
sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.

Shocked, she asks, "Balwanth, what are you doing?!"

Balwanth says, "I'm screwing Raju's wife while he's
in Durban! Can't you tell?"


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Joke5
Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussien died and all went
to hell.

Queen Elizabeth said: I miss England, I wanna call England and see
how everybody is doing there.... so she called and talked for about
5 minutes...
Then she said: well devil, how much do I owe you????
The devil goes:five million dollars...
Five million dollars!!!???? She made him a check and went to sit
back on her chair....

Bill Clinton was soo jealous, he starts screaming, me too, me too, I
wanna call the United states, I wanna see how everybody is doing
too...
he called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he said! :
Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil goes: ten million dollars.....ten million dollars!!!!!! He
made him a check and went to sit back on his chair.....

Saddam Hussen was extremely jealous too...he starts screaming and
screaming... "I wanna call Iraq! I want to see how everybody is
doing there too, I want to talk to the ministers, to the deputee, I
wanna talk to everybody"...
he called Iraq and he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking
and talking and talking....
Then he said: well, devil, how much do I owe you????
The devil goes: one dollar.....only one dollar!!!!!
Saddam says... ONLY ONE DOLLAR??????
The devil says: well, from hell to hell it's local!!