Borrowed bf sis shirt to wear.lol
Her cloths looks very GIRLISH.
Looks decent to wear at the opis. XD
aunty shopping b4 work
c wad ive spotted =D
Joke1
> > A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
> > married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I' m still paying."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't
>know
> > his wife until he marries her?
> > Dad: That happens in every country, son.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
> > until
>I
> > got married; then it was too late.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
> > The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same
> > :"You
>can
> > have mine."
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
> > "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A
> > billionaire." she replied.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get
> > to prove it.
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,"Dad! I've
> > found a woman just like mother" His father replied,"So what do you
> > want? sympathy?"
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
> > marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
> > word
>you
> > say, talk in your sleep.
> > ------------------------------------------------------------
> > I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> > --------------------------------------------------------
> > It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only
> > seems longer.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful
>house,
> > a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all
>gone!"
> > "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > Just think, if it weren' t for marriage, men would go through life
>thinking
> > they had no faults at all.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both
> > husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of
> > course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> > A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he
> > wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man
> > thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me million dollars and beat
> > me till I'm half dead."
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.They've
> > experienced pain and bought jewellery.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > How do most men define marriage?
> > An expensive way to get your laundry done free.
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
> > it once.
> > ---------------------------------------------------------
> > Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
>parachute
> > ----------------------------------------------------------
> > First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
> > Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke2Electric Company
A young husband comes home one night and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling I have great news: I'm a month overdue I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure we can't tell anybody"
The next day a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know? stammers the young woman"
"Well, maam, it's in our files! says the man from the electric company"
"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely"
"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight"
That night, she tells her husband about the visit and he, mad as a bull rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning
"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?"
"What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts
"Just calm down says the clerk it's nothing serious All you have to do is pay us"
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case sir we'd have no option but to cut yours off "
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks
"I don't know I guess she'd have to use a candle"
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke3
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.
The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window.
"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Oh, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver and the fare back to town is $25."
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke4Don't mess with a woman!
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks,interview and testing were done, there were three finalists.
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke5
An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the social worker
"10" replies the Essex girl
"10???" says the social worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl, "its great because if they are out playing in the street, I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" asks the perturbed social worker.
"That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"
Once a friend of mine ride in my car.
Otw back from our trip, he had some bread in my car.
Okla im not complaining shit that ppl r eating in my car or wadsoever.
Its dry food so its okay.
But the problem was, that the bread remainings was left behind in the car as he left.
I only discovered the rubbish a week after.
OMG lah.
Wad if the rubbish was wet stinky stuff.
Like...
Wad if i litter in your car wei.
Or is it okay for ppl to throw suff in your car?
Or rich ppl dont haven any manners/care bout others feelings?
Its not that im complaining tru this.
Just to let him know bout it.
The msg i sent wasnt any harsh thn his replies.
I addressed him bout this , n the feedback i got was "ITS JUST PLASTIC. Y R U COMPLAINING SO MUCH"
Okay with such replies i assume he knew bout it. n purposly litter?
No apologies n i got attacked.
How awesome is that.
Made mistake n still hangin on with it.
EGONESS.
Please respect the others wen u r in their rides.
At least wad i do if i wanted to eat in my friends car, ill ask for permission.Some ppl dont like u having your meal inside their car.
omg if i ever fetch any1 who is reading this.
pls note that i fucking hate ppl to put my dolls on the carpet(checked; happened b4)
treat ppl how they treat u.
Joke1
One day, a man was walking in the forest.
He shouted," God, God, are you there?"
"Yes, my dear child, I'm here!" the God replied.
"God, I want to know a few things from you," that man shouted.
"Fine, shoot."
"God what's a million dollars to you ?" He asked.
"Oh! It is like a penny," God repiled.
"Then what's a million years to you?" He asked.
"Oh! It is like a second to me."
"God, I want a favour from you."
"My dear, what is it?"
"Can you give me a million dollars?"
"Oh, sure, just a second!!"
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke2STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke3
1. Doctor's advice: Penis is the healthiest food. It comes with a
sausage accompanied by 2 eggs & a bunch of seaweed. For
exotic taste,
shake well for mayonise sause.
2. Latest news! Tom Cruise is in love with Thai princess but the
King
will not allow their marriage unless Tom Cruise changes his
name to
"Tom Yam".
3. A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like? Mama dog reply:
"Your
papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his
face"!
4. Durex says to Whisper: "When you work, I lose my business for
about
7 days". Whisper replies: "If you fail to work just once, my
business
stops for 9 months !!"
5. A lady visited her doctor again. Doc said: "YoU look more sick
&
exhausted than before. ARe you having 3 meals a day as I
advised?"
Lady: "What ? I thought you said 3 males a day!"
6. A priest lost his HEN & asked during mass. "Anyone got a cock?"
All
men stood up. He said again "I mean anyone seen a cock?" All
women
stood up. He said again " I meant anyone seen my cock?" All
nuns stood
up.
7. What women think about sex:
- At age 8, ignore it
- At age 18, experience it
- At age 28, look for it
- At age 38, ask for it
- At age 48, beg for it
- At age 58, pay for it
- At age 68 , pray for it
- At age 78, forget it !
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke4
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room
and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
The nurse asks him, "Raju, what are you doing?"
Raju replied, "Driving to Durban!"
The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Raju's room just
as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks,
"Well Raju,how are you doing?"
Raju says, "I just arrived in Durban"
"Great," replied the nurse.
The nurse leaves Raju's room and goes across
the hall into Balwanth's room, and finds Balwanth
sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.
Shocked, she asks, "Balwanth, what are you doing?!"
Balwanth says, "I'm screwing Raju's wife while he's
in Durban! Can't you tell?"
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke5
Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussien died and all went
to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said: I miss England, I wanna call England and see
how everybody is doing there.... so she called and talked for about
5 minutes...
Then she said: well devil, how much do I owe you????
The devil goes:five million dollars...
Five million dollars!!!???? She made him a check and went to sit
back on her chair....
Bill Clinton was soo jealous, he starts screaming, me too, me too, I
wanna call the United states, I wanna see how everybody is doing
too...
he called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he said! :
Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil goes: ten million dollars.....ten million dollars!!!!!! He
made him a check and went to sit back on his chair.....
Saddam Hussen was extremely jealous too...he starts screaming and
screaming... "I wanna call Iraq! I want to see how everybody is
doing there too, I want to talk to the ministers, to the deputee, I
wanna talk to everybody"...
he called Iraq and he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking
and talking and talking....
Then he said: well, devil, how much do I owe you????
The devil goes: one dollar.....only one dollar!!!!!
Saddam says... ONLY ONE DOLLAR??????
The devil says: well, from hell to hell it's local!!
Saw this post earlier on the web,which caught my attention.
Saudi Clerics Advocate Adult Breast-Feeding
(June 5) -- Women in Saudi Arabia should give their breast milk to male colleagues and acquaintances in order to avoid breaking strict Islamic law forbidding mixing between the sexes, two powerful Saudi clerics have said. They are at odds, however, over precisely how the milk should be conveyed.
A fatwa issued recently about adult breast-feeding to establish "maternal relations" and preclude the possibility of sexual contact has resulted in a week's worth of newspaper headlines in Saudi Arabia. Some have found the debate so bizarre that they're calling for stricter regulations about how and when fatwas should be issued.
Sheikh Al Obeikan, an adviser to the royal court and consultant to the Ministry of Justice, set off a firestorm of controversy recently when he said on TV that women who come into regular contact with men who aren't related to them ought to give them their breast milk so they will be considered relatives.
"The man should take the milk, but not directly from the breast of the woman," Al Obeikan said, according to Gulf news . "He should drink it and then becomes a relative of the family, a fact that allows him to come in contact with the women without breaking Islam's rules about mixing."
Obeikan said the fatwa applied to men who live in the same house or come into contact with women on a regular basis, except for drivers.
Al Obeikan, who made the statement after being asked on TV about a 2007 fatwa issued by an Egyptian scholar about adult breast-feeding, said that the breast milk ought to be pumped out and given to men in a glass.
But his remarks were followed by an announcement by another high-profile sheik, Abi Ishaq Al Huwaini, who said that men should suckle the breast milk directly from a woman's breast.
Shortly after the two sheiks weighed in on the matter, a bus driver in the country's Eastern Region reportedly told one of the female teachers whom he drives regularly that he wanted to suckle milk from her breast. The teacher has threaten to file a lawsuit against him.
The fatwa stems from the tenets of the strict Wahhabi version of Islam that governs modern Saudi Arabia and forbids women from mixing with men who are not relatives. They are also not allowed to vote, drive or even leave the country without the consent of a male "guardian."
Under Islamic law, women are encouraged to breast-feed their children until the age of 2. It is not uncommon for sisters, for example, to breast-feed their nephews so they and their daughters will not have to cover their faces in front of them later in life. The custom is called being a "breast milk sibling."
But under Islamic law, breast milk siblings have to be breastfed before the age of 2 in five "fulfilling" sessions. Islam prohibits sexual relations between a man and any woman who breastfed him in infancy. They are then allowed to be alone together when the man is an adult because he is not considered a potential mate.
"The whole issue just shows how clueless men are," blogger Eman Al Nafjan wrote on her website. "All this back and forth between sheiks and not one bothers to ask a woman if it's logical, let alone possible to breastfeed a grown man five fulfilling breast milk meals.
"Moreover, the thought of a huge hairy face at a woman's breast does not evoke motherly or even brotherly feelings. It could go from the grotesque to the erotic but definitely not maternal."
Al Nafjan said many in the country were appalled by the fatwa.
"We have many important issues that need discussing," Al Nafjan told AOL News Friday. "It's ridiculous to spend time talking about adult breast-feeding."
Unlawful mixing between the sexes is taken very seriously in Saudi Arabia. In March 2009, a 75-year-old Syrian widow, Khamisa Mohammed Sawadi, living in the city of Al-Chamil, was given 40 lashes and sentenced to six months in prison after the religious police learned that two men who were not related to her were in her house, delivering bread to her.
One of the two men found in her house, Fahd, told the police that Sawadi breast-fed him as a baby so he was considered a son and had a right to be there. But in a later court ruling, a judge said it could not be proved that Fahd was her "breast milk son." Fahd was sentenced to four months in prison and 40 lashes, and the man who accompanied him got six months and 60 lashes.
The original adult breast-feeding fatwa was issued three years ago by an Egyptian scholar at Egypt's al-Azhar University, considered Sunni Islam's top university. Ezzat Attiya was expelled from the university after advocating breast-feeding of men as a way to circumnavigate segregation of the sexes in Egypt.
A year ago, Attiya was reinstated to his post.
rezeki halal ke bro?
Las9 wen i was having drinks with my friends @PJ. beside us was this group of police officers having their drinks too.Perhaps they wer off duty/break.
That dint bothered my till wen i saw a car driving beside me , coming from the opposite direction.
The fuckin car drove by beside us nia lo. Takkan the police officers dint saw him?
Somore hor the car made n illegal U turn there.
WALAOEH. They dint even bothered to stop him.
Wad if the car collided with another car? WTF EI?
Wait shit happen only get your pair of ass off the chair ah??
I assume u all off duty adi lah. But still ppl doing sth like that no1 responded???
No wonder la that area even alot patrols also got alot robberies . LAWL
Ok fine, thn there was this car testing his sipe hiong(super loud) exhaust.
VROOMING at the shop at 1am.
They dint even approached him to say mayb like ,"oh sir u r making noise at the neighbourhood bla bla"??
Thanks to our cc owner, he hired a guard :)
He hired a guard eventhough their cc had this police patrol box that they'd to sign it.
LOL its obvious XD
Its been a year since the cc robbery happened..still unsolved...
http://kuromiice.blogspot.com/2010/04/scourge-r-owning.html
Joke1
How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)
The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.
HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain.
(I think this part is especially true)
HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal.
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.
HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.
HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.
HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.
The boss criticised HIM.
He'll improve his performance.
The boss criticised HER.
She'll be very upset.
HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?
HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.
(This part is GOOD too)
HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.
HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?
HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable
________________________________________________________________________________
Jokes2 Humour
1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage,she
expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and
after death she respects him.
2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They
got married - and now he is going thru hell.
3. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife
wanted ". Next day,he received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing : "You can have mine."
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or
the wife.
5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just
watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him.
If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he
is married.
6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, " If you don't promise to send us
$100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my
promise but I hope you will keep yours."
7."What's the matter, you look depressed."
"I'm having trouble with my wife."
"What happened?"
"She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30
days."
"But that ought to make you happy."
"It did, but today is the last day."
WOMAN
When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after
her.
When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going
after her.
When she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on
her.
When she is 48 - She is a pingpong ball, 2 men
pushing to each other.
MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so
little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes
once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles
and cheap.
Marriage Humour
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
________________________________________________________________________________
Jokes3An Interesting Debate
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem
science has with Krishna. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Professor: You are a Hare Krishna devotee, aren't you, son?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to Krishna to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But Krishna didn'! t.
How is this Krishna good then? Hmm?
(The student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is
God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything.
Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(The student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these
terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
(The student has no answer.)
Prof: Tell me, son. Do you believe in Krishna?
Student: Yes, professor, I do.
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe
the world around you. Have you ever seen Krishna?
Student : No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your Krishna?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your Krishna, tasted your Krishna, smelt
your Krishna? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Krishna or
God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol,
science says your Krishna doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat,
mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have
anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no
heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing
as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.
We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir,
just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of
something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light,
flashing light.....But if you have no light constantly, you have
nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.
If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what ! is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue
there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You
are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and
magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact
that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the
opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do
you teach tour students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes,
of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize
where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at
work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going
endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a
scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the
Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who! has ever heard the Professor's
brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done
so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable,
demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With
all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face
unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH.
That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
Joke1
Recently, there has been a spate of mergers, RHB and Sime Bank,etc. Rumours in the market have it that Lam Soon Huat and Parkson plan to merge - The proposed new name for the company is, you have guessed it-
"LamPar".
However, it is suspected that KLSE will object to this, since it would be
deemed not proper for lady brokers and remisiers to transact LP shares on
behalf of their male clients. Moreover, Lam Par name seems very crude and it
means scrotum in Hokkien
examples :
The people : " How much is Lam Par now?", " I want to sell Lam Par at 60
cents."
The male broker : " How much do you want to buy Lam Par?"
The female broker : " Lam Par, 60 cents, sold!"
The newspaper : "Good management lifts Lam Par.", "Lam Par drop again.",
"Lam Par suspended.", "Plunging Lam Par needs Viagra", "Lam Par is being
squeezed out as market leader."
The employees : "We are Lam Par employees."
The interviewer : "Mr. Wu, you have written in your resume that your last
company was ...er... Lam Par. Did they treat you so badly that you have to
put in an abusive term for them?"
Share buyer was heard doing a transaction with his remisier over the
handphone inside the LRT.
Buyer : " Hey, Mr.Tan buy for me Lam Par... Nor Liap. (Literally it means:
Buy for me 2 lots of Lam Par shares)
Remisier: " I can't hear you, buy order louder."
Buyer (very loud): "Lam Par lah.... Nor Liap...OK?"
All the commuters : Stunned, especially the ladies.
After receiving long complaints from many female remisiers, the "Lam Par"
shareholders decide to do something to their "Lam Par"...They sit down
together and brainstorm for the new name...After going through many days of discussion and arguments, finally Parkson agrees to inject more capital and everyone agrees to the new name : "Par Lam"
When SC receives the request to change name, he asks: "Hey, what is the
difference? Lam Par Par Lam...."
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke2
A man ask doc. how to live longer?
Doc ask him :U Smoke?
Ans : No
U drink?
Ans No.
U play mahjong?
Ans No
U like sex?
Ans No.
Then U want to live so long 4 what?
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke3
A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a
test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."
The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,
because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.
Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric
company.
"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."
That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next
morning.
"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you
have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke4
A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband
is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home
unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom
closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that
the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the
boy,"How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy,
"Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't ., I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again".
________________________________________________________________________________
Joke5
Biology Lesson in Class
During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:
"Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"
A student replied: "That's because guys have "balls" and that
weighs them down."
Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller
than gals?"
Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier than
the guy's "balls"
Although everyday we dota n scold/emo each other.
but thn also we dont keep it in our hearts.
its just emotional at the moment.
today even i know that Reny was tired after basketball, he came after the match n accompanied me takei.
HIAK HIAK.
unlike others, will ffk u with tired as the reason.
egoistic at times.
but he is the most YI HEI friends among all.
whoever,wenever is in trouble, hes the 1 to step out n help.
but always late for dates =x
thank you
Every year on father's day i would think of JIMMY ANG KEAT LENG, who? the other half of my mom. WHO left me n mom homeless. THANK YOU ASSHOLE.
am i a something?a cause of after joy JIMMY ANG had?
why bother giving birth to me then?
if it wasnt for my mom, i would ended up in the adoption house.
my mom nvr gave up on me as like HE did.
well many of my friends dont really know my family background.
its cos im embarrassed to tell ppl that my dad has left us n shits.
when i was in form2, my friends would ask me. "caryn ah, y your dads nvr at home wan?"
i would just reply, "yalo, my dads a businessman , owes overseas wan lo"
i used to have a happy life.
i was born in penang in 1988.
(then) parents flew us to greece in 1989.
cause of HIS business.
lived as a happy kid till 1997 when we flew back to penang.
got myself into a school.
struggled to learn the new language ; bahasa melayu.
when i was in penang my mom flew back to greece with my dad, i lived with my aunts family back thn. therefore im grateful to have some1 care bout me. mayb..
in 1999 my (then) parents brought me to kl.
registered into a malay school. (thats y i dint learn mandrin)
eversince we moved to kl. we lived in a rented flat @cheras
my dad only stayed with us for 1-2 weeks, thn he left.
as usual ; to work..
i was waiting for him to return everyday.
waiting from day to days,week to weeks, month to months,year to years.
me n mom rented from flats to rooms.
couldnt afford anymore to rent a flat.
so we stayed in a rented room for few years.
i never asked my mom wen HE will be coming back.
till i realized myself, this man had left us.
mayb he had another woman?
mayb hes dead?
was i naughty he dint want me?
well ive realized that HE had left us. homeless. penniless.
even ppl who i called relatives dint cared bout us after we came to KL.
its not like they dont have our contacts/hp..
1 day i just typed though friendster my "cousin sisters' " name.
n i added her n we had a chat.
she asked, " wow how did u found me here?"
if u have the will to find someone, how hard can it be?
just easy as typing their names.so?
thn my aunt left me a pointless email ; hey how r u n your mom blah blah.
acting like she cared or wad-so-ever-shit.
she got pissed when i replied her bout talking shit bout HIM.
claiming he loved me raised me WHEN I WAS YOUNGER blah blah.
sendiri also know how to say WHEN I WAS YOUNGER LO. how bout now?
yourself eat till so old couldnt think?
well cant blame u for saying me that ima heartless irresponsible child of his for talking shit bout him.
my aunt herself dont have kids or a partner, how can she know how it feels?
60+single=ding dong
wadever shit lah lady.
like i care.
u dont know how it feels like not to celebrate chinese new year without a family.
so since i got my "cousin sisters" email/msn, we could keep in touch.
she got married last year that i congratulate her via msn.
thanks was the reply.
not even an invitation. =)
even my singapore "cousin" deleted n blocked me in friendster back thn.
how nice of her =)
got in touch with my "cousin bro" as well.
felt so warm wen he put effort to pay me a visit.
but 1day i recieved a sms from him saying; "hey caryn, wana start a business? "
hmm, wad business leh?
"neh, no need to sell products or open shop one,come out one day we discuss bout it lah"
oh, ive heard that shit somewhere before ;p
okay. i might b 20 then. i must b like a fucking sohai to him =.=
facts of life...
in kl now i have better life better friends.
friends r better thn ppl u call relatives; to me.
ive been though shit in the past.
well most of u think im a rich princess? haha. judge again..mayb dont. fail judgements.
SO MUCH MONEY CONTRIBUTE TO THE COUNTRY FOR A BETTER PURPOSE LAH!!!!
GIVE TO USELESS DOG FOR FUCKS AH?!!!
LETS B REMPITS THN. WE GET TO PARTICIPATE FOR THE RM20,000 RACE LO.
FUCKING JOKE OF THE YEAR.
STUDY SO MUCH YOUR BRAIN DING DONG MEH?
REMPITS DESERVE THIS RM20K OR BETTER GIVE EM TO THE RUMAH ANAK YATIM BETTER?
GIVE MY DOG RM20K ALSO BETTER THN GIVE U REMPITS.
AT LEAST MY DOG CAN GUARD MY HOUSE.AND NOT ROBBING WOMEN/SENIOR CITIZENS.
Links to source
RM20,000 for slowest Mat Rempit
my previous post
http://kuromiice.blogspot.com/2010/05/rm10000-up-for-mat-rempits.html
The race would be divided into several categories where riders have to ride for about 50 metres.
"They can ride just any way they like.
"But they have to use their skills to be the last to reach the finishing line without falling to become the winner," he said at the joint opening of the Umno delegates' meeting for Kuantan and Indera Mahkota divisions here yesterday.
Adnan said "this first of its kind" race was part of the state government's effort to get closer to the public, especially those involved in social problems.
He said Umno leaders must organise more programmes that the public and grassroots leaders can participate in.
"We must work hard as if the general election will be held tomorrow," he said.
To ensure victory, he said Umno must ensure that its members remained with the party.
OTW back...
the police pissed me off. knnpukimcb.
They made the whole highway jamm, fucking shit jamm 10kms.
Thn the fucktards was camping at the left side of the road to give out summons as the ppl who were rushing drove at the emergency lane.
FUCK OFF LA, made me so kek jiu. FUCK U
8am- breakfast
very classic breakfast ;)
9am- gunung Ledang water falls! yaay ^.^v
oh oh.. so big lea. for dinner
relax jer.. like shopping :p
evil lol
1pm- lunch AGAIN!! Nicky mama's cooking
famous muar otak-otak
=)" durians
so many durians we brought back @_@
