Jokes 6

Joke1
How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)

The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.


HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain.


(I think this part is especially true)
HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal.
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.


HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.


HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.


HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.


The boss criticised HIM.
He'll improve his performance.
The boss criticised HER.
She'll be very upset.


HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?


HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.


(This part is GOOD too)
HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.


HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?


HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable


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Jokes2 Humour
1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage,she
expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and
after death she respects him.

2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They
got married - and now he is going thru hell.

3. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife
wanted ". Next day,he received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing : "You can have mine."

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or
the wife.

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just
watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him.
If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he
is married.

6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, " If you don't promise to send us
$100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my
promise but I hope you will keep yours."

7."What's the matter, you look depressed."
"I'm having trouble with my wife."
"What happened?"
"She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30
days."
"But that ought to make you happy."
"It did, but today is the last day."

WOMAN
When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after
her.
When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going
after her.
When she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on
her.
When she is 48 - She is a pingpong ball, 2 men
pushing to each other.

MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so
little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes
once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles
and cheap.
Marriage Humour
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.


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Jokes3An Interesting Debate

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem
science has with Krishna. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Professor: You are a Hare Krishna devotee, aren't you, son?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to Krishna to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But Krishna didn'! t.
How is this Krishna good then? Hmm?

(The student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is
God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything.
Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?

(The student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these
terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?


(The student has no answer.)
Prof: Tell me, son. Do you believe in Krishna?
Student: Yes, professor, I do.
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe
the world around you. Have you ever seen Krishna?
Student : No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your Krishna?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your Krishna, tasted your Krishna, smelt
your Krishna? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Krishna or
God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol,
science says your Krishna doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.


(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat,
mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have
anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no
heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing
as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.
We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir,
just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of
something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light,
flashing light.....But if you have no light constantly, you have
nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.
If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what ! is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue
there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You
are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and
magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact
that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the
opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do
you teach tour students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes,
of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize
where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at
work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going
endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a
scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the
Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who! has ever heard the Professor's
brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done
so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable,
demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With
all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face
unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH.
That is all that keeps things moving & alive.