Jokes 5

Joke1
Recently, there has been a spate of mergers, RHB and Sime Bank,etc. Rumours in the market have it that Lam Soon Huat and Parkson plan to merge - The proposed new name for the company is, you have guessed it-

"LamPar".

However, it is suspected that KLSE will object to this, since it would be
deemed not proper for lady brokers and remisiers to transact LP shares on
behalf of their male clients. Moreover, Lam Par name seems very crude and it
means scrotum in Hokkien

examples :

The people : " How much is Lam Par now?", " I want to sell Lam Par at 60
cents."

The male broker : " How much do you want to buy Lam Par?"

The female broker : " Lam Par, 60 cents, sold!"

The newspaper : "Good management lifts Lam Par.", "Lam Par drop again.",
"Lam Par suspended.", "Plunging Lam Par needs Viagra", "Lam Par is being
squeezed out as market leader."

The employees : "We are Lam Par employees."

The interviewer : "Mr. Wu, you have written in your resume that your last
company was ...er... Lam Par. Did they treat you so badly that you have to
put in an abusive term for them?"

Share buyer was heard doing a transaction with his remisier over the
handphone inside the LRT.

Buyer : " Hey, Mr.Tan buy for me Lam Par... Nor Liap. (Literally it means:
Buy for me 2 lots of Lam Par shares)

Remisier: " I can't hear you, buy order louder."

Buyer (very loud): "Lam Par lah.... Nor Liap...OK?"

All the commuters : Stunned, especially the ladies.

After receiving long complaints from many female remisiers, the "Lam Par"
shareholders decide to do something to their "Lam Par"...They sit down
together and brainstorm for the new name...After going through many days of discussion and arguments, finally Parkson agrees to inject more capital and everyone agrees to the new name : "Par Lam"

When SC receives the request to change name, he asks: "Hey, what is the
difference? Lam Par Par Lam...."


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Joke2
A man ask doc. how to live longer?
Doc ask him :U Smoke?
Ans : No
U drink?
Ans No.
U play mahjong?
Ans No
U like sex?
Ans No.
Then U want to live so long 4 what?


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Joke3
A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a
test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,
because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.
Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric
company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a
bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next
morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month
overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you
have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

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Joke4
A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband
is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home
unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom
closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that
the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the
boy,"How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy,
"Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't ., I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again".

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Joke5
Biology Lesson in Class

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:
"Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"

A student replied: "That's because guys have "balls" and that
weighs them down."

Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller
than gals?"

Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier than
the guy's "balls"